YEP....I'M A PASTOR'S WIFE

Many books have been written on how to be a pastor's wife, the role of a pastor's wife and even suggestions that she is the most vulnerable person in the congregation who lacks attention, is lonely and whose identity is weak. Maybe this has been other pastor's wives dilemmas, but not mine. 

The Bible doesn't have a job description or office called "pastor's wife", as I recall.  It's only the people's expectations, not God's.  

Addressing the "How To's" and the "Role"
I've never thought about the "how to's" or the "role".  I don't believe there is a model for a pastor's wife.  My role is just to be me.....Sharon - a little quirky, fiesty, loving to laugh and make others laugh, using my sarcastic humor on those I feel "safe" with, pulling pranks, fitting in where my gifts can be used, making friends with women in our congregation who have the same interests and aren't looking for insider information, to support my husband with encouragement and to make our home a safe place for him to hang his hat, put his feet up and chill out.  He loves coming home, always has. 

My husband doesn't place unwanted expectations on me.  I've attended funerals, weddings, camps, youth events, open houses, conferences and more with my husband, but not every one. He knows me well and gives me a choice.  

I've encountered people who ask me questions I can't answer and get the...."but aren't you the pastor's wife? Shouldn't you know that?" What should I know? How to manage the heat and air conditioning, where to get a video/DVD player for a class and how to set it up, where the meeting for such and such is taking place, who's in charge of a school event, when the baby shower or bridal shower is for whatchamacalit, where to find a missing piece of equipment, or the "can you tell Bruce"....? (I'm good with one sticky note in my brain on any given Sunday. Anymore than that, and I'm in overload).  

Since we are a fairly large congregation, God has gifted others to answer these details. I simply answer: "I don't know". If needed, I will direct them to somebody who does know. 

Quite simple, indeed.  

Vulnerability
I don't think I'm the most vulnerable person in the congregation either. Let me just say this: when you are involved with many different personalities, there will be clashes. Every member in the congregation is vulnerable not just me.   

Lacks Attention

Frankly, I'm not one who needs a lot of attention either. I'm pretty independent, self-motivated and goal-oriented.  I'm not needy. I understand fully my husband's job.  He understands my transcription home business. 

I've never felt cheated that my husband's hours are undefined or he has events in the evening when he has worked all day.  I'm not one to nag, be clingy, insist that he stay home.  I do require that he call when he's running late so I don't worry.  My children and I have never felt deprived of his attention or complained when daddy came home late.  Because I never made this an issue, neither did my children.  

Feels Lonely
Have I felt lonely?  At times, yes.  Isn't this with all people though? We can be in the middle of a crowd and still have bouts of loneliness.  It's not just in being a pastor's wife.  I believe loneliness can be a soul-cry to God for close relationship with Him.

Weak Identity
I'm not lacking for an identity.  I find my identity in Christ - not in my husband, others expectations, leading worship, being involved in our Girlfriends ministry or in facilitating a Bible study.  I'm not absorbed in a role.  

For Me....
Let's face it, I'm not perfect nor ever will be.  I will make mistakes and disappoint people.  I will try to defend my husband, even though he says it's not necessary.  I will continue to be feisty, outspoken when appropriate and most likely not measure up to unrealistic expectations.    

Being a pastor's wife isn't about me fitting into a role. Thankfully, these preconceived notions have changed over the years.  It's about me being who God created me to be while loving and taking care of my family. 

This I can do.

THE BUTTERFLY LESSON

One day a small opening appeared on a cocoon. A little boy sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through the little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no further. So the little boy decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small shriveled wings. The little boy continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It was never able to fly.

What the little boy, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening was nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we went through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly. If we live like the little boy then it's very difficult to get past the very question about life and death that already has an answer beyond our understanding. And that is, it's just like the struggling butterfly...

I ask for strength.....I receive difficulties to make me strong.
I ask for wisdom.....I receive problems to solve.
I ask for prosperity.....I receive a brain and brawn to work.
I ask for courage.....I receive danger to overcome.
I ask for love.....I receive troubled people to help.
I ask for favors.....I receive opportunities
I receive nothing I wanted...I receive everything I needed.
I ask for life.....I receive death to receive eternal life and salvation.
Every one of us will eventually break out of our cocoon and fly

Taken from my dad's writings on his website:  www.nuggetsoftruth.com

FINISH THE RACE

Last Saturday was the big 4 mile run/walk.  I was excited to get out of the house that Saturday and get my feet hitting the pavement and breathing in the fresh air of the soon-to-come Spring.  This time around, I chose to walk since the bottoms of my feet have become tender when running over two miles.

Upon arriving, we weren't sure if we would find a parking spot. Thankfully, one was waiting for us just a few feet from the entrance.  We checked in, received our race number and expectantly waited with the rest of the crowd.

Since it was the St. Patrick's Day event, costumes of green exploded everywhere. Socks and legwarmers of stripes and plaids, tutu's, running skirts and tops, hats of all shapes and sizes, stickers on the face, big green sunglasses all made their appearance.

The comradery of all participants is always my favorite to see.  I met two women who joined a running club two years ago.  These women are in their 40's and have become close friends with each other and the women in their running club.  They were all decked out in their green sunglasses and crazy hats.  Both women were from the Rochester area and participate in races all over the state. 

Friendliness abounds.

I also met my running buddy from high school, Vicki.  We ran track together for two years - sophomore and Junior years. We were a great team.  I hadn't seen her since our 10 year class reunion. We had become "friends" on Facebook recently, so I found out she was running this race.  There wasn't much time to chit chat before the race but it was great to see her beautiful smile again.  We're talking about meeting up and taking a walk and just catching up on life. You just never know who you will meet.

The runners start first.  As the walkers are heading to the starting point, we're conversing with each other, laughing and joking around. 

Personalities shine. 

I try to start in the middle of the pack, so I feel like I'm accomplishing something if I pass someone.  Crazy right? One of my goals in this walk was to find a woman who was ahead of me and match my steps to hers. I found many such woman, but kept wondering why I wasn't getting closer.  What's up with that? Still scratching my head on that point.

I was challenged to walk faster though.  I find that when my mind is tired, I walk slower.  This was a tired mind day, so I had to quickly find that not-so-slow-minded person to give me a walk for my money.

When the mile one marker came into view, every walker cheered loudly. Those on the sidelines encouraged us on to mile marker two. 

Onward!

For some reason, I never saw mile marker two.  Wondering out loud I said, "good grief! is mile two ever coming"?, finding out later it was right after the first water station where a large group had gathered to voice their encouragement again to us.  "Good job" they said. "You're almost there. Keep walking on"!  

I found myself saying just those words to those who would pass me. It's just that kind of atmosphere.  Mostly, people are trying to beat their last time or get some form of exercise.
   
In the middle of mile two, my feet began to ache. I did have this evil thought - "I don't know if I can finish this.  I could just rip my number off, give Bruce a call on my cell and have him come pick me up". Then the good thought kicked in - "No, Sharon! You finish this race even if you are last. The ache isn't that bad. The key word here is FINISH!  Don't give up!  Feet don't fail me now".  

I kicked my walking into a higher gear at the last mile.  It paid off. I found myself with a new determination. I felt like a horse heading back to the barn.  They tend to pick up the pace knowing their almost home and will receive a reward - food, a scrub down, a slap on the behind.  

As I turned the last corner, there in my view was the finish line - all downhill. Oh joy! I jogged over the finish line.  Applause, a medal, a feeling of accomplishment, and gratefully, no slap on the behind.

In my Christian walk, I want to finish well. No giving up when things get messy, difficult or painful. Pushing through my discomfort with an eternal view.  I want to be the one jogging over that finish line, receiving the applause of Heaven, the reward waiting for me because....

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith".  2 Timothy 4:7 NIV

YIELDED INSTRUMENTS

Because music goes down deep into my soul, I wanted to share this short writing of my father's posted on his webpage: www.nuggetsoftruth.com.  My father has been deceased now for just over 5 years.  His writings and sermons reach into many lives all across the world.

Roman 6:13-23,"Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin, but yield yourself unto God as those that are alive from the dead and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God."

Instruments: A means whereby something is achieved or performed.

Members: Every part of yourself.

Psalms 89:15, "Blessed is the people that know the joyful sound, they shall walk Oh Lord in the light of thy countenance."

I Corinthians 13:1, "Though I speak with tongues of men and angels and have not love, I become as sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal." (I am out of tune, noisy, confusion.)

When Christ lays His hands upon the keyboard of our lives and we yield to His control, then we will bring forth harmony and music of heaven. Such harmony will bless others.

A true story is told concerning the great musician, Mendelssohn. He was always eager to play the great organs of the cathedrals of Germany. However, he had not had the opportunity to play the organ at the cathedral at Freilburg. With humility, he wandered into this beautiful cathedral with the thought that he would get the opportunity to play the organ.

Mendelssohn asked permission of the caretaker. The caretaker, not knowing the identity of this stranger, refused him permission. It happened that on this particular day, there was nothing in Mendelssohn's appearance that would suggest his true identity. When this unknown stranger pressed the caretaker for an opportunity to play just one tune, the caretaker protested that this organ was so priceless that no one but master musicians were allowed to lay a hand upon its console. Therefore, it was unthinkable that this wandering musician should be granted such a right.

With a polite patience, however, Mendelssohn persisted in his request until he had overcome the resistance of the caretaker and won him at least to a reluctant permission."Very well then, you may play just one small tune on the organ and no more." To enforce his limited permission the caretaker went up and stood beside the stranger as he played.

Mendelssohn began moving his long slender hands upon the keyboard slowly and mildly, feeling out the quality of the notes on the great organ, until he himself was overcome with its richness and let himself go in a burst of glorious symphony. The old caretaker stood aghast and lifted up his eyes to the arches resounding with the cadences of heavenly music; he could hear the whir of angels' wings and the whirling seraphim. The pillars and foundations of the cathedral shook with the thunders of the diapason.

Tears began to trickle down the cheeks of the old caretaker as he placed a hand upon the shoulder of the stranger. He turned his tear-stained face to Mendelssohn and asked, "Sir tell me your name."

"My name, replied the master musician, "is Felix Mendelssohn."

Trembling and faint, the caretaker said, "Ah, sir, how can you forgive me? Only to think that I refused you, the greatest musician of Germany, the right to play on this organ. I never dreamed it was such a wonderful organ until I heard you play. Sir, you have brought music out of this instrument that no one has ever dreamed was here before."

Just as it is with Christ and our souls, in the souls of every one of us there is music waiting to be released or brought to expression. This music will never be until we allow Christ to lay His hands upon the keyboard of our lives and we yield to His control. Christ in our hearts will bring forth eternal possibilities  and the harmony of heaven in our lives.   We will know the joyful sounds and our countenance will light up with beams of His presence.

THAT COMMUNITY FEEL

For the last two years, my husband and I have been entering 5K races.  We both agreed it was time to step it up in the exercise department, since we are not getting any younger.

We've always exercised, but not consistently.  Now, we are on a regular schedule to keep ourselves healthy and our muscles strong.

One aspect of joining these races we both enjoy and look forward to is the community feeling that seeps out everywhere. We have found:

• Laughter
• A sense of belonging
• Conversations with people we would never have met
• Opportunities to volunteer 
• A "we're in this together" attitude
• "See you at the next race" feeling

All sizes and ages participate. We encourage each other along the course right up to the finish line. The timers who are stationed at intervals on the course, call out our time as we pass by - most will always say "you're almost there, good job, keep going".  

Christian Community should be this and so much more.

Community in the Christian sense was well depicted in the New Testament in Acts 2:42-47. This community was known for its devotion to Christ's teachings and its love for each other.

In this view, the Christian community is simply those who love Jesus and live in relationship with Him and fellowship with each other. But their community didn't end there.  It reached into towns, cities and globally - this love for Christ and love for others.

We, above all, should be people who encourage community, not just in our churches or with other believers but with people of all walks of life in the cities, towns and neighborhoods we live in.

Our community-feeling is supposed to reach across boundaries and build bridges.

When our cities, towns and neighborhoods see this action in us, maybe it will cause them to see the true love of Christ.

Just as the races my husband and I run each year bring out the best of community in all participants, so should the race we run in Christ bring out the best in us as a community of Christians.

Let's build bridges......

"In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your Heavenly Father". Matthew 5:16 

BUT GOD......

For many weeks, I've been looking at two very significant words in the pages of scripture - "But God." These two words make their appearance at many critical junctures. It seems to be the perfect phrase that highlights God's grace and God's intervention at the darkest times possible.

"But God"....two words that indicate a change is coming.  It is intended to challenge our faith, to help us see a contrast that will change our mindset.  When God is brought into the picture, He makes all the difference.

Each of us have encountered situations in our lives where we just feel like giving up, walking away, saying "what's the use?"  Maybe we're thinking things won't change or our hope is hanging on a thin thread.

Think about this verse: "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26

Again: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20

Look at Ephesians 2:3-5 "among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy........made us alive together in Christ......

The "But God" in scripture marks the relentless and merciful intervention of our God.  To the left of "but God" is sometimes hopelessness, but to the right of the "but God" is our hope.  It describes God's activity - working through hopeless situations.

When my daughter Haylee went through ankle surgery in 2009 and then a fibroid surgery in 2011, we didn't know what the outcome would be.  Would she be able to dance again?  My mind created all kinds of scenarios. Then I went to scripture and found some "but God" statements. The enemy intended to harm Haylee, to bring discouragement to her soul, but God is going to use this for good, some how, some way, and He did. She prospered through it all.

These two words communicate a powerful message.  It is God's response to any challenge.  You could even say that it's His last word.   

God's intentions are to rescue, restore, reassure, redeem, resurrect and bring righteousness.

We also see this phrase used in yet another way "I planted, Apollos watered, But God gave the increase". I Corinthians 3:6.

Every "But God" reveals to us fantastic news.  As we read through the Bible, we constantly come up against things that could have happened, then that little phrase pops up "but God", and the situation changes dramatically. 

• Once we were dead in sin, but God made us alive!
• We may fail, but God is our strength and has everything we need!
• The enemy intends to harm us, but God intends good towards us!
• We do the work of God, but God gives the increase!

I encourage you to recall this phrase anytime you are lacking confidence, feeling weak in your situation, wanting to give up or can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.  It will transform your view and change your mindset.

Definition

But/conjunction/(but): 1) used to introduce something contrasting with what has already been mentioned. 2) nevertheless; however. 3) on the contrary; in contrast.

God/noun/ the supreme or ultimate reality: as: the Being perfect in power, wisdom and goodness who is worshiped as creator and ruler of the universe (and so much more).

Your Turn
Find your "go to" scriptures when life challenges your faith and hope in God.  No matter what situation comes knocking at our "door" or what challenges we encounter in this life, there are two little words that can change everything....

BUT GOD!