My Sis and I

My Sis and I
Summer on Alpena Street
One of my favorite sayings from the show Emily Owens, MD

"We make all these plans of how things will turn out; but life happens, plans change, so we adapt. We draw on strength we didn't know we had; we give up any illusions of control, and we deal head on with problems that come our way."




Thursday, March 27, 2014

YEP....I'M A PASTOR'S WIFE



Many books have been written on how to be a pastor's wife, the role of a pastor's wife and even suggestions that she is the most vulnerable person in the congregation who lacks attention, is lonely and whose identity is weak. Maybe this has been other pastor's wives dilemmas, but not mine. 

The Bible doesn't have a job description or office called "pastor's wife", as I recall.  It's only the people's expectations, not God's.  

Addressing the "How To's" and the "Role"
I've never thought about the "how to's" or the "role".  I don't believe there is a model for a pastor's wife.  My role is just to be me.....Sharon - a little quirky, fiesty, loving to laugh and make others laugh, using my sarcastic humor on those I feel "safe" with, pulling pranks, fitting in where my gifts can be used, making friends with women in our congregation who have the same interests and aren't looking for insider information, to support my husband with encouragement and to make our home a safe place for him to hang his hat, put his feet up and chill out.  He loves coming home, always has. 

My husband doesn't place unwanted expectations on me.  I've attended funerals, weddings, camps, youth events, open houses, conferences and more with my husband, but not every one. He knows me well and gives me a choice.  

I've encountered people who ask me questions I can't answer and get the...."but aren't you the pastor's wife? Shouldn't you know that?" What should I know? How to manage the heat and air conditioning, where to get a video/DVD player for a class and how to set it up, where the meeting for such and such is taking place, who's in charge of a school event, when the baby shower or bridal shower is for whatchamacalit, where to find a missing piece of equipment, or the "can you tell Bruce"....? (I'm good with one sticky note in my brain on any given Sunday. Anymore than that, and I'm in overload).  

Since we are a fairly large congregation, God has gifted others to answer these details. I simply answer: "I don't know". If needed, I will direct them to somebody who does know. 

Quite simple, indeed.  

Vulnerability
I don't think I'm the most vulnerable person in the congregation either. Let me just say this: when you are involved with many different personalities, there will be clashes. Every member in the congregation is vulnerable not just me.   

Lacks Attention
Frankly, I'm not one who needs a lot of attention either. I'm pretty independent, self-motivated and goal-oriented.  I'm not needy. I understand fully my husband's job.  He understands my transcription home business. 

I've never felt cheated that my husband's hours are undefined or he has events in the evening when he has worked all day.  I'm not one to nag, be clingy, insist that he stay home.  I do require that he call when he's running late so I don't worry.  My children and I have never felt deprived of his attention or complained when daddy came home late.  Because I never made this an issue, neither did my children.  

Feels Lonely
Have I felt lonely?  At times, yes.  Isn't this with all people though? We can be in the middle of a crowd and still have bouts of loneliness.  It's not just in being a pastor's wife.  I believe loneliness can be a soul-cry to God for close relationship with Him.

Weak Identity
I'm not lacking for an identity.  I find my identity in Christ - not in my husband, others expectations, leading worship, being involved in our Girlfriends ministry or in facilitating a Bible study.  I'm not absorbed in a role.  

For Me....
Let's face it, I'm not perfect nor ever will be.  I will make mistakes and disappoint people.  I will try to defend my husband, even though he says it's not necessary.  I will continue to be feisty, outspoken when appropriate and most likely not measure up to unrealistic expectations.    

Being a pastor's wife isn't about me fitting into a role. Thankfully, these preconceived notions have changed over the years.  It's about me being who God created me to be while loving and taking care of my family. 

This I can do.

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